Maybe he is not used to the elevation
Visits to families with new born babies have always been the most awkward of my social excursions during my childhood.Simple reason, you are expected to make cooing noises and cajole the baby and make the baby laugh in front of 20 people. I like babies, dont get me wrong.I am good with them whenever I am alone with the baby.But to do it in front of an audience, always makes me nervous. I get stage fright. So when the baby is handed over to me I end up moving my head up and down with a stupid grin and make random clucking noises like a hen, hoping the baby would laugh.I guess babies are very good at perceiving my nervousness and start crying within 20 seconds. Then normally the mother would come and rescue me. The baby would end up crying for another 10 minutes and all the laughter and merryment which was going on would die down leaving me feel like a party pooper.The fact that all my cousins were absolutely brilliant at making babies laugh added to the discomfort.Once when I was in middle school,10 minutes after I had made the baby cry, a 4 year old cousin did some wacky dance routine and made the baby giggle.That was the nadir.
Times were about to change.I had sudden growth spurts during my 7th and 8th grade and I was now one of the tallest person in the family. The next time I was handed over the baby and he started making uncomfortable noise I suddenly blurted out "Maybe he is not used to the elevation". I never knew what caused me to say that. I was thinking," There is a new utterly cringeworthy socially awkward statement made by Fig in town".And then as if by magic, they all started laughing.So the process of transferring a crying baby to the mother became smooth. That was the line I used every other time.That was my line.It was lame, and pathetic to a degree but it worked as in such happy moments, people are looking for a reason to laugh.I became confident during my social visits involving babies. I had the magic manthra, my social viagra.I had the line.
After using that line for about half a dozen times, I started running into problems with that line. Problem 1, I was getting bored by repeating that line.It was fake and staged but I still used it as it was my only get out of jail card. Problem 2, there were intersections in the sets of people who were present during my numerous social baby visits. By repeating the same joke I came up with when i was in seventh grade I was only going down even more in their estimation.Problem 3, I was now 21 and I felt kinda low that I was relying on something I came up when I was 12. Luckily, I got admitted into graduate program in the USA and that effectively ended my baby interaction.
Now recently, a colleague of mine gave birth to a baby.They bought their baby over to school for the first time today at around 6 in the evening.Only a couple of people were around. The Mom gave the baby to me to hold and with events taking their natural course,he started crying. I was about to utter the line, when I stared at the dad. He was as tall as me. The baby was used to the elevation.What do i do?Panic sets in.I needed to say something.My brain was working furiously when the mother took the baby out of my hand.At that point the dad said," Dont worry, your doing better than I did.He screamed when I first held him". Bam, I responded,"Maybe he was not used to the elevation". I dont think the dad heard that, but the other two grad students present started laughing at that line.Crisis averted.The line saved me again.When I was walking back to the lab,I realised,"There are some really tall dude/dudettes in this country.If I have to survive here, I need to find a new line.I decided I am not going to use the line again."Thank You "Maybe he is not used to the elevation".You have no idea how indebted I am to you.The time i discovered you was a defining moment in my life.
Times were about to change.I had sudden growth spurts during my 7th and 8th grade and I was now one of the tallest person in the family. The next time I was handed over the baby and he started making uncomfortable noise I suddenly blurted out "Maybe he is not used to the elevation". I never knew what caused me to say that. I was thinking," There is a new utterly cringeworthy socially awkward statement made by Fig in town".And then as if by magic, they all started laughing.So the process of transferring a crying baby to the mother became smooth. That was the line I used every other time.That was my line.It was lame, and pathetic to a degree but it worked as in such happy moments, people are looking for a reason to laugh.I became confident during my social visits involving babies. I had the magic manthra, my social viagra.I had the line.
After using that line for about half a dozen times, I started running into problems with that line. Problem 1, I was getting bored by repeating that line.It was fake and staged but I still used it as it was my only get out of jail card. Problem 2, there were intersections in the sets of people who were present during my numerous social baby visits. By repeating the same joke I came up with when i was in seventh grade I was only going down even more in their estimation.Problem 3, I was now 21 and I felt kinda low that I was relying on something I came up when I was 12. Luckily, I got admitted into graduate program in the USA and that effectively ended my baby interaction.
Now recently, a colleague of mine gave birth to a baby.They bought their baby over to school for the first time today at around 6 in the evening.Only a couple of people were around. The Mom gave the baby to me to hold and with events taking their natural course,he started crying. I was about to utter the line, when I stared at the dad. He was as tall as me. The baby was used to the elevation.What do i do?Panic sets in.I needed to say something.My brain was working furiously when the mother took the baby out of my hand.At that point the dad said," Dont worry, your doing better than I did.He screamed when I first held him". Bam, I responded,"Maybe he was not used to the elevation". I dont think the dad heard that, but the other two grad students present started laughing at that line.Crisis averted.The line saved me again.When I was walking back to the lab,I realised,"There are some really tall dude/dudettes in this country.If I have to survive here, I need to find a new line.I decided I am not going to use the line again."Thank You "Maybe he is not used to the elevation".You have no idea how indebted I am to you.The time i discovered you was a defining moment in my life.
posted by Figaro at 9:33 PM
4 Comments:
Your most impressive and polished post."Now recently,a colleague of mine gave birth to a baby".Just curious, do your colleagues have the habit of giving birth to anything else other than a baby(a unicorn maybe) :)).I think you normally end such sentences by qualifying the baby as a boy or a girl.
bah..polished followed by an unicorn comment :))..i detect sarcasm
Best post ever, Avi. Keep up the good work.
-Steve
I was not being sarcastic there.This is a superb post.Made me lol every time I read it.You have a reputation now to keep upto in your next post :))
Post a Comment
<< Home